The next day, while in a very important meeting the phone rings, he is drunk. His behavior is outrageous and very funny. One of the men in his office is offended.  Being that Rob is a comedy writer for a variety show, the other man loves it, thinking it’s an act.  The phone rings again and he is fine, not understanding why people are laughing at him.

This got me thinking, how are you acting out in your life without thinking? This example of Rob is extreme, but it shows how we can unconsciously act out and not understand the way it affects others.

When beginning your personal growth work or work with a life coach, you have the opportunity to look at how you show up in the world. You will see what works for you and what doesn’t. We can get so busy in our lives and do things without thinking.

We need to think about how our actions affect others. Know how what you say will land on someone else. I have seen too many people take others emotionally hostage. Just because something is not working out for you doesn’t mean you have the right to dump that on someone else. Pay attention to what your intention is before you act. Is it selfish or in the best interest of others?

A habit can not just be broken and taken away. A habit must be replaced with another behavior. It has to be done intentionally. If you are serious about your self improvement, it is time to see what habits are running you.

The first thing to do is to do a social experiment with yourself. Grab a journal and a pen and keep it with you for the next few days. Notice how you behave in different situations and what your emotional responses are to these events. When you walk into a room do you slink to the corner or do you walk right up to others and introduce yourself? How does that serve you and what are you feeling when you walk into that room?

As a professional life coach I am always looking for habits my clients may have that they don’t see themselves. When I point out a habit I ask that they spend the next week just noticing when they do that behavior and how they feel when they do it. This will give us some clues to work with. I remind them to use no judgement, this is not about being wrong or bad. It is just about noticing.

You can not change a habit if you are not aware of it. So notice it, no judgement. How and why do you do this? What would work better for you? Now replace the old habit with the new way of being. It will take practice, so be patient and kind with yourself. Soon enough the new way of being will become a new healthy habit. We can not change what we do not see.

I have always admired my Grandmother, Barbara O’Shaughnessy. To this day she is still my best friend. She is one of the most elegant and classy ladies I know.  She has always been someone I could turn to and count on. My Grandmother lived in a large beautiful house in Midland Texas. She was an amazing hostess and focused on all of the small details to make each event special.

Guests would enter through the huge front doors and go down the stairway to what was called the “big room”. That room was for adults only unless you got invited into it. The big room was exactly that, big. It was full of beautiful couches and chairs. A huge fireplace was at one end and floor to ceiling windows on the two other walls. There was also a built in bar that had a storage room behind it that included an ice maker. For her parties, there would be a bar tender serving drinks as well as maids serving horderves through out the room. It was magical in my mind.

I would watch the guests arrive in their fancy clothes, smiling and happy. My Grandmother would look so glamorous each time with her fancy dresses, jewelry and red lips. I was always so proud of her. Yet as I watched these parties and sometimes got to join them for a drink. (I was allowed sprite with a splash of wine in a special glass.) I never felt like I fit in or belonged no matter how much I wanted to.

As I grew older and became an adult that feeling of not good enough did not leave me. I was happy, had lots of friends but somehow I felt I never measured up. There was a part of me that wanted to be glamorous and feel special.

On December 3rd I threw my 5th Annual Trailer Trash Gift Exchange Holiday Party. The guests and the food are glamorous and the gifts are trailer trash gifts that you would never want to go home with! I was expecting 34 for a sit down dinner.

This year I wanted to create it even better than before. I asked my guests to wear ball gowns and dress up. They were greeted with glasses of a Pinot Noir Sparkling Wine. I had a wine maker bring his wine and he held a wine tasting class in the dinning room. I hired a bartender to make drinks and a woman to serve the horderves and food. As the party began, I got overwhelmed and stepped outside.

For a moment I was hit by that insecure feeling of not belonging, not good enough and not pretty enough. Then I turned and looked in the living room window. The Christmas tree filled part of the window with its white lights and beautiful ornaments.

I could hear Christmas music, laughter and the clink of glasses. Then two of my friends who are married came into the room. She was in her ball gown; he in his bow tie, her head was back as she was laughing. They were holding champagne glasses and he had his arm around her. As they smiled and greeted another couple that were in the living room, I was hit by a huge wave of emotion.

I was looking into what I perceived as the perfect holiday party, and I created it. That was my house, my food I made and best of all, my friends. They all dressed up to come celebrate with me. I was no longer the lonely girl looking in, I was the hostess. Tears ran down my face for a moment as I got it.

I felt as though the arc angles I work with surrounded me with love. A huge peace overcame me as I was filled with joy. In that moment, all of the healing work I have been doing to heal the “less than”, “not good enough” and “left out” was cleared and healed. I knew in that moment that I would no longer let those thoughts drive me or pull me away. I was now on the inside, laughing and loving.

We create what we want in our lives. This party was an experience I desired and wanted. I realize that there are times I play small and curl up wishing that I was different. When in all reality, I am perfect the way I am!

I went back inside with joy bursting out of my heart. After wine tasting we enjoyed a cocktail hour with delicious hourderves I had prepared earlier. As that was happening, a few friends were helping me set up the dinning room and bring in more tables for dinner. Dinner I had made for everyone with love.

After dinner we all went into the lounge to open the outrageous gifts everyone had brought. As we sat in our fine ball gowns and laughed at the stealing and bargains being made in regards to the gifts, I felt truly blessed.

What I did not tell you at the beginning of the story was that I had two slipped disks, two fractured toes and a fractured foot at the time. I always do all my own food for my parties. This year, it was my food I just had help in making it all and getting it all out.

As I would have to sit a lot during the party I noticed the kindness around me. One of my friends would stop by with a big glass of water with lemon for me to make sure I stayed hydrated. Another helped serve the food and many helped with clean up. As the night grew long and the bartender had gone, another friend stepped behind the bar to take over.

Sometimes we just need to pause and look, it is pretty amazing what we can create in our lives. Lets start the New Year loving ourselves for who we are exactly right now. Lets acknowledge all of the people in our lives that help and love us.

This year I got my Christmas miracle. I am sending you many blessings and hope that you too can find your Christmas or Holiday miracle. It is right there waiting to be noticed.

I asked if they were visiting for pleasure or work. They looked down and and sighed. As the woman looked up to me I saw pain in her eyes. She told me that she and her husband were here to sit hospice with their best friend and her husband. Originally they were to come out here on November 2nd because the husband at the winery was to share his 65th birthday with the wife that was ill. In fact, they told me, she died yesterday and the funeral is Thursday. “We needed a break and a change of environment for a little bit, so we decided to go wine tasting.” They told me that the drive through Sonoma and the vineyards helped them feel a little less overwhelmed than they were.

Worried about them, I asked if they had eaten because one of my favorite restaurants was right down the road. The woman told me she was sick of fine dinning. They had been picking up food from really good restaurants every night so that the husband of the deceased would eat. Today she shared, she was happy because she and her husband had found Sonic burger and each had a hamburger and fries. They wanted something that made them feel normal in the middle of this surreal life event.

The last part of our conversation is what made me want to share this with you. I asked her how long they had all been friends, and she told me since college. I told her it was remarkable that they had flown in and spent every day for two weeks by the bedside of their dying friend. She told me that they were also by her side as she passed. She told me that in friendship, you do what is needed for your friend. Their friend and her husband needed them to be with them during this time. She admitted that it had been a very difficult thing to do and that it was very emotional. Yet she was glad to have done it. Her husband agreed, he was sad that he would have to celebrate his 65th birthday without his birthday friend.

We walked out of the winery together. On the top of the hill among the grapevines we actually introduced ourselves proper. I explained that I was with my best friend that day. The woman told me that according to her friendship handbook that we must always be there for each other. I gave her a hug. Thanked her for her story and thanked her for inspiring me to be an even better person and friend. As I drove away from the winery I shared the story with my friend who had not heard it. As I told it I began to cry. What an amazing friendship those four people shared!

Life can get busy and we can get distracted. What I learned this week is to make sure I make those that I love my priority.

My first thought was that the world is such a huge place and there are so many lands I want to visit and cultures I want to experience. One of the reasons I chose to be a life coach besides my deep desire to help people live their life passions, is so I could have the freedom to travel more.

My second thought was, am I inspiring enough people to leave a lasting mark in the world? Am I contributing enough each day to make a difference?

My third thought was how lucky I have been to meet such amazing people that I have gotten to meet. A woman who is determined to build a school in Ghana, another that stands in front of hundreds of teenagers each day and teaches them how to love and stop bulling. I know a couple that built an organization so that every child gets to feel loved, safe, and celebrated. I have met public leaders and the quiet leaders. Everyday they are making a difference in the world. Making the world a better place.

That has always been my goal. To make the world a better place and help those who are lost find their passion. So if you only had a 50% chance to live, what would you do differently?

I browned the beef with minced garlic and chopped onion. I put it in a bowl and added fresh salsa, cumin, salt, chili powder, chipolte powder, refried beans, and whole beans. I mixed it together and tasted it. Pretty good. So I decided to create layers of flavor. I broke some tostada chips I had on hand and covered the bottom of the baking dish.

I poured half the meat mixture evenly over the broken chips. Then I sprinkled a little sharp cheddar cheese and a few more chips. Then I poured the second half of the meat mixture on and used a spatula to make it even. I then put some sour cream on top of the meat, sprinkled more cheddar cheese over that. I and topped it with sliced cherry tomatoes and olives. I covered it and stuck it in the fridge until later.

Later I baked it at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes uncovered.

I served the casserole with a salad made of thinly sliced romaine lettuce, heirloom tomato and avocado. I tossed the salad with cilantro, lime juice, salt and pepper.

My dinner guest ate seconds and loved it. I felt a bit guilty since I am a much better chef than this dinner shows. At least he was happy, we got fed and I got to see my show with out missing any by being in the kitchen. The show? It was Survivor!

The line was huge and I was hungry. I was determined to wait since I had a coupon for a free sandwich and it expires tomorrow. I noticed this one sandwich maker was hustling more than the other two. She was a woman in her late 40′s and was making sandwiches at the speed of light while keeping up a light banter with the folks in line. Never missing a beat and she was always smiling. The other two sandwich makers were sullen, cross and much much slower. The banter of the first woman put me in a good mood and I forgot about my outfit. I just was enjoying the effect she had on her customers.

As the line moved up and I got to the glass in front of her I realized she only had one hand. She was cutting bread, making sandwiches, putting them under the broiler and wrapping them faster than the other two who each had two hands. I was blown away. She had the end of her arm wrapped with a plastic glove and rubber bands and at times used it to hold the bread, but for the most part she did everything with her only hand.

This happy woman, working her butt off in the deli got to me. I had walked in worried about stupid shorts and a body that is whole and functions. I walked away thankful for the body that I have. Touched by the joy that woman spread all around her. I wanted to share this story with you. It is amazing how important we can make unimportant things become.